Is this what fear looks like?
What does fear look like? Can you draw fear? Where would you even start?
If you can draw fear, it would probably look like this famous painting.
This is fear. Right? Mouth wide open. Gaping eyes. Hands over the ears. The screams are too much.
What about this one (below)? Is this fear? Maybe. Not sure. Backs are arched. Heads hanging a bit low. Arms supporting the upper body. Sitting on the edge of their chairs. Having a conversation for sure. Probably a difficult one. Probably one that they would rather not have.
~I have an issue ..
~I need to talk to you about something …
~Can I get a second of your time …
~So, I was thinking we should chat …
Fear based avoidance comes in many forms. For me, it often manifests itself in having difficult conversations. I want to be a good guy. Don’t want to rock the boat. Easier to flake out. Hell, if I just ignore it, it might just go away. Nobody gets hurt. Everyone is happy. Right? Dealing with it takes effort. Much easier to sit back and relax, without worry.
“I’ll just sit in the middle and not take a chance. I just won’t say anything. This way, I can fly under the radar and not have to chance suffering the consequences of conflict. What if I cause this person consternation? What if I’m looked at as a bad guy? What if I’m the cause of that persons’ devastation? What if my judgment is off and I should have not said anything in the first place? What if I say the wrong thing?”
Nope, screw that. I’ll just say nothing – and hope it goes away.
A stellar example of avoidance and fear based reinforcement. I’m assuming the negative outcomes are the most likely scenarios so I completely avoid them. By avoiding, I’m giving the negative outcomes more validity than they deserve. As a result, the next time I have to confront someone in a difficult conversation, it’s going be even more difficult. The chances I avoid it the next time are very high. Almost guaranteed.
How does one live life this way? Never letting anyone know where they stand. Never standing up and carving a personalized path. Never truly letting people in – or getting let in.
I feel like I should preface with an apology, add a few buts, control everyone’s feelings, avoid fear …
Avoidance Junkie
