Had my first big panic attack event in a long while this morning. I can wax poetic about it. About how tragic the feeling. The desperation. The utter discomfort. But i’ll just relegate myself to the standard I’ve set in previous entries.
“It is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows.” – Epictitus
I realized this morning that I can be an expert on all aspects of panic and anxiety – yet still be the ultimate incarnation of Willy Loman when it comes to the actual event.
The experience of panic just doesn’t translate very well into words. It’s a beautiful dance between perception and reality. Tragic at it’s peak. You quickly assimilate to the fears as the feelings reinforce your perception. Reality is the loser here.
I didn’t like my panic attack this morning but it is what it is. I’ll have more. I think it’s time to quit *thinking* my way through my panic and start *feeling* my way through it. Words are fine, but words escape when that first burst of epinephrine hits.
It’s just uncomfortable. I will cope.
