That title is a bit misleading.
I know how I got here. Initially I let anxiety get the best of me. Then I let panic get the best of me. Then I let agoraphobia get the best of me.
I still make excuses. “One day” I tell myself. It let’s me pound my chest. The facade. I trick myself. “Tomorrow I’ll start”, I’ll say like an overweight dreamer that really doesn’t want to go on that diet.
But I am the one. I’m the one that let it change my life so dramatically that the effort it’ll take to dig out of the hole so cavernous is reason to just. give. up. So I ask myself tonight, who do I want to be starting now. Fuck. I can’t change the past. I think it’s easy to feel sorry for yourself when things go bad. Time to make a plan and stick to it.
Join me?
Avoidance Junkie
I feel just like you. I’m agoraphobic, and you hit it right on when you say ‘avoidance junkie’ because that is me also
Time to make a change, son. I have always told you to not put off what you can do today until tomorrow. Now is the time to go forward and once you quit thinking about panic it will start to lessen.
I feel the same way.
I finally asked about a responsibility with school that I have shirked for over a year now. They finished the project without me. I am relieved it is complete but also disappointed I did not see it through. But with that burden off my shoulder maybe now I can focus on the things still to be done.
Could today finally be the day I stop making excuses about EVERYTHING and just begin to work the problems?
Love your blog. You are a beautiful writer and your courage in writing about the monster that plagues you is quite inspiring. I too am burdened by the same beast and I barely have the courage to think about it during the day. Thanks for writing about it in such a “i’m gonna kick your ass” kind of way. Even if the ass kicking happens right after you finish watching this show and folding the laundry and…
thanks again! I just bookmarked your blog and look forward to more entries.