I’m declaring a personal war on fear. Fuck you fear.
OK, maybe it’s not as easy as throwing out a few threatening words and hoping that all of a sudden the axis simply shifts and you’re free of fear. Who’d want to have no fear at all for that matter? It’s irrational fear that I’m looking to take down.
“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them” – Epictetus (~ 100 AD)
We weren’t born with fear. We have to learn it. Fear thrives on memory and context. As small children we have a limited cache of memory and our brains have not developed enough to really decipher context in any meaningful way. We are numb. It’s bliss.
Then we experience things and all of a sudden, boom! We get scared of things. Maybe initially it was the horror movie you watched (my favorite was always the Friday the 13 series), a dog that bit you when you were simply being nice to it, the time when all the kids in school laughed at you when you stood up to give your book report, or worse. A long fall. A car accident. A disease. Something triggered a thought that made you say “this doesn’t seem right, I now know to avoid this situation so I don’t experience the same feeling again.”
“It’s dark, I’m afraid.”
“It’s mean, I’m afraid.”
“It’s dangerous, I’m afraid.”
“It’s inevitable, I’m afraid.”
“I feel like I’ve lost control, I’m afraid.”
We can’t control everything in our environment and life would be pretty boring if we could. We can’t avoid every potentially dangerous situation and life would be pretty boring if we could (who would ever drive a car or fly in an airplane?). It’s just memory, context, perception. If you validate your fears by avoiding them, they will feed and grow and become more powerful. If you face your fear, however difficult, you will cut it off at the knees. You will control your fear and kick it’s ass.
So I’m declaring war on fear. Starting today.
Avoidance Junkie
I don’t. I mean I do, but I really don’t. Clear as mud? I feel empty when I don’t challenge my agoraphobia. Facing a fear makes me feel alive. That initial feeling of desperation is soon replaced with euphoria and the world just seems right – even if for just a few hours after. I face my agoraphobia at least once a day and on most days, a few times. About 1 time out of 50 it results in full blown panic and those are the most satisfying, dare I say, the most fun. Try it and see.
What scares you? Do you ever challenge that fear? Why not? You should try it. Seriously. Go out and find that one thing that scares you and do it (assuming it’s safe).
Afraid of elevators getting stuck? Find the oldest elevator in the oldest building in the oldest part of your city and ride it to the top and pay attention to every *dangerous* sound it makes.
Afraid of spiders? Bring your ipod to the arthropod exibit at the zoo and sit for an hour.
Afraid of bridges? Come walk with me across the Golden Gate bridge on Sunday.
Afraid of big crowds? Go to the shopping mall on Saturday and walk from end to end five times.
You get the point. But the goal is to BE afraid, to FEEL scared, to GET emotional. You’re not gonna die, you’ll just be a bit uncomfortable. But the next time you face that exact same scenario, it will be much, much easier.
AvoidanceJunkie
Say you’re on a bus. The bus makes its required stops, and more people get on. The bus is already crowded. More people get on. And more. And more. You are in the back. Soon you *can’t move*. All of the windows are closed and it’s impossible to get off. You think to yourself “just don’t *freak out*, just don’t *freak out*”. Then you do. Then what?
This was my situation just this morning. My body was tight. My breathing deep. My heart pumping fast. My emotions thrown into a tailspin. “I have a choice not to feel this way” I thought to myself as I looked at the Asian delivery driver in the truck behind us. He had the number 28 facing outward in his truck. I wondered why? “Oh”, I thought, “it’s the 28th. The date. I have a choice to not feel this way. I HAVE THE CHOICE.”
Panic goes away … AvoidanceJunkie
“Avoidance validates fear”
It’s a no-brainer and a simple equation. Fear is based on perception. Perception informs actions (avoidance). Actions validate perception, ergo validating fear.
I’ve been an agoraphobic for 13 years. For 13 years I’ve avoided everything. Trains, buses, airplanes, boats, bridges, open spaces, heat, small rooms, tall buildings, caffeine, difficult tasks, facing people. That list is pretty much only a taste but the ones that come to mind as I type. For 13 years I’ve chosen to avoid these situations or places and – it. fucking. sucks.
I don’t need to be this way but I choose to be this way. Well, luckily with some push from family and friends and a couple of good therapists I’ve been able to identify a plan that will eventually lead to me to avoiding avoidance. This is when I’m completely ‘fixed’, not letting my phobia get the best of me and never avoiding something based on the false perception of fear. Until then I’ll be blogging about my phobic experience through www.avoidancejunkie.com (duh). When you have the choice in the face of fear, choose facing that fear – or it will grow.
Don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made – please.
AvoidanceJunkie
